Past Birthdays

Most birthdays I can recall involve a fight.
I have always been friends with a variety of different people never sticking to a type, so not all of my friends actually got along together in one room.
My birthday was also in the middle. Jamie Clarke on the 3rd and Lindsay Riesinger on the 5th. So we had to plan our parties around each other other wise it was proof who was more friends with who. Both of these girls were invited to my parties as they are great girls, friends, school mates, and soccer players. We have a lot of childhood memories together.
Anyways the last party I had for myself had to be in middle school.. Grade 7 probably the last time I threw a party. After that I felt very… Unloved on my birthday. Before being kicked out I had been grounded on my birthday for asking a question no one wanted to answer. This wasn’t uncommon in my household – ignorance. I snuck out and went to the 7-2-11 for some candy and the girl working had a heart and paid for it and let me vent. Then of course the guys show up for some much needed hugs and wishes. They knew just how bad it could get. Shortly after I was kicked out of the house, living with high school sweeties family, getting emancipated, telling the school, walking to school, working and shortly getting my own apartment while staying in school full time. I graduated with honors. So my ex had done some very small birthday gestures, first a bracelet. Then I learned he didn’t remember well and didn’t care much. Over the years I would always get a little excited – I watch everyone else go head over heels and princess like for their birthdays – and always get let down. Usually I would understand – we moved a LOT, we were always broke, lived in my car a couple times…
The last birthday I actually remember with him was back in 2005, in Thunder Bay, we rented a motel room for the night (I believe we were waiting for keys to a house but that landlord actually screwed us out of the $400 deposit we put down) and I mean MOTEL. He had hidden away a brownie from the coffee shop and have it to me after our friend who was stuck with us at the time, had fallen asleep (he would have wanted to share the tiny thing) he ended up taking the only bed leaving the two of us to sleep on the awful couch. I cried getting the brownie. We were so down on our luck at that point it was the greatest thing in the world to know he had remembered (better had after getting us kicked out of my friend’s house for screwing around – yes I was naive enough to think he actually loved me after cheating on me after moving 17 hours away from where we grew up) we managed to fall asleep on the couch and the next morning he couldn’t find his hat so we assumed the best place to look was around the couch. Under the cushions was a needle and a rubber band .. Just like a movie would portray.. all ready waiting for the user to come back. I assume it was the housekeepers who would leave their drugs laying around if they didn’t expect to come back to it right. I felt very lucky to not have stuck myself somehow with that disgusting thing. In 2007 he got me a present and stuck in in the car door to forget about it as a birthday present and regift as a Christmas present – luckily it was in a white bag I thought was full of napkins or I would have actually found it, he remembered it after having to clear out the car for a trip North.
Birthdays after that came and went like normal days until Hubs came along. He’s started a new tradition with me and really has brought my feelings about that day around. He’s not perfect and not the most romantic man out there but we have our own language. Things that others would overlook we see with each other and read each other well. Over the years we have grown… grown up, grown together, become stronger.
Those memories of past birthdays are slowly fading. One day I will have forgotten all about the brownie & needle birthday experience and have new traditions and gatherings to anticipate.
I have such a changed outlook on life, an appreciation for things most people take for granted and have become deeply grateful for ever little thing.


2 Comments Add yours

  1. pincushionsandreflections says:

    Like turkey dinners and apartments crowded with friends! 😉

    1. Exactly!! Making some wonderful new memories

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